The ADHD Parent Raising Their Mini: Handling Overstimulation

    As a parent with ADHD, it is extremely difficult to function without my lists and schedules. I work fulltime; however, I also am the one covering down on childcare since their father works past their bedtime. This leaves me overstimulated most of the time, as I am sure more than half of those diagnosed with ADHD feel. Most of the time this overstimulating is manageable through masking but what happens when you begin recognizing overstimulation in your child. For an already exhausted parent, this is hard. 

    My son is the classic story of ADHD. He's hyper, struggles with processing information, hates loud noises and is extremely creative. Asking him to sit in a classroom all day without movement is difficult resulting in many meltdowns especially later in the week. 

    These meltdowns are explosive. Imagine a ticking time bomb that stops but your are weighting in anticipation for the detonation. Some times they are minor bursts other times they are building shakers. Its hard to navigate how intense they will be and if you yourself have ADHD you are aware how quickly that trigger can flip. 

    The problem is not the meltdown of your child, the problem is knowing how to address it without triggering your own meltdown and offering constant support. Most of the time ADHD individuals are lashing out because their brains are no longer able to process any more information causing them to become overstimulated, which as a parent can leave us feeling guilty. So here are some tips to help navigate the meltdowns and avoid your own. Imagine you are working all day, run your child to sports practice or go through the store to grab something easy for dinner because you are exhausted. Upon returning home, you ask your child to help clean up the living room or you ask them to get a bath causing a meltdown. 

Step One: Remove Them and Yourself Physically

When my son has a meltdown and I am struggling, separation in a safe place for 30 seconds helps to defuse the emotional reaction. Sometimes ADHD is like you are a looping record on a record player. By physically altering your location, it helps to rewire the neurological connections in your brain. So even though this will not end your child's tantrum, it will help you to develop a calm response instead of yelling.  This sets the example, that creating a boundary is okay but also helping them have a safe place to have a meltdown even when they do not quiet understand the way they are feeling so much. 

Step Two: Breathe

Encourage them to take a deep breath. Sometimes this helps them refocus themselves. If your child is like mine, sometimes his frustration is he does not know how to effectively communicate or is struggling to find the words. The deep breath helps his brain catch up with his feelings a bit. This helps him feel supported and learn coping skills to manage his ADHD, which is something I was never taught. I was always yelled at for being dramatic or overreacting. This created significantly low self esteem. 

Step Three: Listen and Supportively Correct Behaviors

Once your child is communicating. Listen. Validate. Ensure that you are letting them talk, again as an ADHD adult it can be difficult to not interject. Once they have expressed their emotions validate them but also explain that the behavior was unfair. For example, my son throws things or used to. He would get so overstimulated that he would lash out physically due to the over flow of emotions. Explain what could happen by throwing things, reinforce they are loved and you understand they may not always be able to control it, but actions have consequences. Allow them to take ownership and openly discuss the consequences.  

It is extremely hard for us as parents to not feel guilty, sometimes its the hazard of being a parent. Showing our kids how to regulate themselves is important but it will not come without validating their feelings or giving the a safe place.